im drinking this country out of the recession.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize