...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
