20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
