i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
