Your mouth is God's brothel.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
