U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
