we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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