if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
