Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
