Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
