I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
