The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
