This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
