defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
