Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
