I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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