Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
