hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
