Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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