dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I died a long time ago.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just googled if crying burns calories
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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