Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
