we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
