Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
