The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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