Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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