Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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