i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
