He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
