I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
