so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
worst night to have a conscience
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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