She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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