It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
