That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
