i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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