i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
