I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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