no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
