she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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