john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
