Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize