she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
