At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
