Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
