Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
