Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
