PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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