I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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