she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
