Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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