Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
