I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
