Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize