just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
