remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
