woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
