He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
