I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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