Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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