I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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