Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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