just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
