There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
