Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
