Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize