sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
