if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
