I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
