dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
