I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
