How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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