I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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