Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im six kinds of drunk right now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
