I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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